Answering Challenging Questions about Secular Jewishness
(January /
February 2001)
"How can you be a Jew if you don't believe in God?"
"If you don't believe in an afterlife, why be good?"
"If you don't object to intermarriage, aren't you contributing to the
decline of Judaism?"
Those of us active in the Secularist movement have heard
these questions
and many others again and again. Many of us have well-rehearsed
facile
responses to at least some of them. (I usually start with, "Do you
want
the two-minute rap or the five-minute rap?") But pre-cooked responses
are
not always the best way to answer these questions, because they give
answers that satisfy us, not answers that necessarily satisfy the asker.
Furthermore, not everyone has rehearsed answers; there are many new
Secularists who don't have a lifetime of experience and need strategies
for
answering rather than pat responses. Finally, a rote answer is obviously
rote, something learned, rather than something felt. Most of the
questions
we get are not about fact, but about feeling, and the answers should
reflect that.
At the annual conference of the Congress of Secular Jewish
Organizations
last spring, I led a workshop on techniques for answering these challenging
questions. Participants learned seven techniques, listed some of
the
challenging questions they were asked, analyzed which techniques would
be
useful, and used them to create their own responses to the questions.
1. Correct faulty assumptions:
Don't argue on someone else's turf. Before you start to answer a
question,
first examine the assumptions. You don't have to answer a question
based
on a faulty premise; instead, challenge the premise. Several of
the
techniques that follow are examples of indirect ways to challenge premises,
but you can always just say, "I don't agree with the premise that Judaism
is defined by religious belief." Then you can define being Jewish
on your
own terms, terms that disempower the original question.
2. Give analogies:
Instead of long, involved historical and sociological discursion about
the
nature of national or cultural identity, you can sometimes short-circuit
the explanations by giving simple analogies. You don't really have
to
explain how you can be Jewish if you don't believe in God; you can simply
indicate a different way of thinking about it by talking about the
possibility of being Native American without being an animist, or Italian
without being Catholic.
3. Ask back on a personal level:
When you are asked a question about personal responses, don't be afraid
to
bring the question back to the questioner. When asked, for example,
why
one should do good if not threatened by a supernatural power, one can
ask
back, "Do you think that if you weren't afraid of God, you'd murder
someone? Steal? Lie?" If asked how you can be Jewish if you don't
believe
in God, you can ask back, "If you lost your faith, would you feel that
you
weren't Jewish any more?" These questions aren't meant to be
confrontational, but rather to allow the questioner to challenge his or
her
own assumptions. And besides, what could be more Jewish than answering
a
question with a question!
4. Stress the historical diversity of the Jewish people
as a source of
strength:
Most North American Jews seem to have fallen for the Orthodox Official
Position-that all Jews were always Jewish in exactly the way the Orthodox
are now. It's just not true. The Jews have been a diverse
people since
our earliest days. We've been open to the influences of other cultures
and
have influenced other cultures. We've lived on six continents over
3,500
years. Of course we are diverse. And the more diverse we are, the stronger
we are as a people, because the more diverse we are, the better the chances
that every Jew will find a home within the Jewish world. So, are we
contributing to the decline of Judaism by welcoming bi-cultural families?
Only if we truly believe that if we didn't accept them, they wouldn't
exist. The truth is that Jews have always married out; when they could
stay
Jewish, they did. When they were ostracized, they left Judaism, not their
beloveds. Our welcoming of diversity discourages, rather than encourages,
the decline of Jewish identification.
5. Invite people to our programs:
In my experience, most of the people who ask even the most challenging
of
questions are asking out of true interest, not trying to prove their own
points. If you sense that people are truly seeking to understand
Secularism, invite them to a shabbes or holiday gathering, a community
service project, an adult education class or Sunday school class, or a
Bar/Bat Mitzvah. These occasions allow people to experience for themselves
how Jewish our activities are, and how warm and welcoming our communities
are. The guest will be exposed to Jewish music and literature as a living
tradition and can see how the non-religious elements of Jewish life are
filled with meaning. In addition, there will be other people there who
can
help to answer the specific questions that you aren't yet ready to answer.
6. Speak from the heart - tell your own story:
Most North American Jewish adults went to Sunday School for a few years,
dropped out immediately after Bar or Bat Mitzvah, and never gave being
Jewish much of a thought until they themselves became parents. They
remember nothing of their Sunday School education and they learned little
about Jewish life at home. In other words, most North American Jews
are
profoundly ignorant about Judaism and Jewishness. Because of that,
their
questions are not intellectual. They are emotional, and they require
emotional answers. Take the "How can you..." question at its face
value:
How can YOU...? And then tell your story. Talk about your own background
and relationship with being Jewish as you grew up (if you did grow up
Jewish) and about your own process of finding your place in Jewish life.
Talk about how Jewish you feel now that you have a home in the Jewish
community. Let the questioner really understand how you can . . .
7. Stress what we do believe:
The question of God looms so large that sometimes it obscures everything
else. If you don't believe in God, or in a God who intervenes in
history,
or a supernatural self-aware being, that doesn't mean you don't believe
in
anything. We believe in the dignity of the individual and the power
of
community. We believe in the equality of all people. We believe that peace
without justice is oppression. We believe that the world's mosaic of
cultures and traditions is beautiful. The list of what we do believe is
inspiring, and your listeners will be impressed at how much they believe
in
common with you. And your positive response to the belief question will
allow them to see you as the positive, affirming Jew you are.