Defining Anger
Our emotions are
like traffic lights - they are constantly changing throughout
the day. Anger is one emotion that gives our bodies and
minds a signal that we are facing a stressful or threatening
situation. When we are angry, we may lose our temper,
increase our blood pressure and do things on the spur of the
moment, without thinking clearly about the consequences.
Anger can also give us energy, strength and determination to
change a situation we don't like, or to defend ourselves in a
threatening situation. Becoming aware of our anger can
help us channel that energy towards constructive change.
Remember:
Anger is a feeling that can be constructive, while aggression is
an act that can cause harm to yourself and others.
Recognizing Your Anger
Anger usually occurs
when you find yourself in a situation that frustrates, annoys,
hurts, disappoints or frightens you. Everyone reacts
differently to different situations - what makes you angry may
seem minor to someone else. A few examples:
-
Being treated
unfairly by parents or teachers
-
Being accused of
something you didn't do
-
Becoming annoyed
by a friend, brother, sister or other family member
-
Being hurt
physically or emotionally by others
-
Experiencing a
loss - divorce, separation or death
How Anger Affects Us
Anger can lead to
physical and mental stress. This can lead to the following
symptoms:
-
Physical illness
-
Depression
-
Boredom
-
Sleeplessness
-
Unhappiness
-
Being mad at the world
Managing Anger
1. Recognize
and admit that you are angry.
2. Express
your anger clearly and directly, whenever this is possible.
Rather than yell at the person you are angry with, explain that
"I am hurt by what you said or did." Ask for the changes
in behaviour you would like.
3. If you
can't directly express your anger at a parent or teacher,
instead:
-
Take a long walk and blow off steam
-
Do something physical like jogging or playing
sports
-
Pound a pillow
-
Talk to yourself with phrases like:
- I can work out a plan.
- As long as I remain calm, I'm in control.
- Time to take a deep breath.
- I'm not going to get pushed around, and I
will stay in charge of the situation.
If the situation
works out well, continue self-talk with phrases like:
- I handled that one well.
- I'm getting better at this.
If the situation
doesn't work out, use self-talk phrases like:
- Forget about it.
- Thinking about it only makes me upset.
- I'll get better at this as I get more
practice.
Helping Others Manage Anger
Stay calm.
Getting angry yourself only makes things worse.
Try to help the
other person admit he or she is angry, and what other feeling is
behind the anger.
Then try to choose a
mutual way of resolving the anger.
Remember: Anger is
a natural emotion we all feel. It can give us energy to
change a situation. Choose the positive rather than the
negative.
